MY OPEN LETTER TO ME FOR YOU

 

THIS IS ME, LATE NIGHT, WRITING TO MYSELF I HOPE YOU ALL READ THIS AND TAKE SOMETHING FROM IT. I'M NOT SURE WHO MAY BENEFIT BUT I DO HAVE TO SAY THAT I'VE BENEFITED AND MY LIFE IS THE BETTER FOR IT! LOVE YOU ALL FOR READING, LOVE YOU ALL MORE FOR YOUR COMMENTS!!

As I look back on my life I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine she explained that she had to remind herself that she is not in a race with anyone.  At the time I urged her on and nodded but I wish checking my mental checklist of things “I should have completed by the time I’m thirty.” My dear friend I now understand and I am no longer in a race that I can never seem to catch up. I take my family on my shoulders and when they hurt I hurt, when they’re in need I am trying to find a way to help them but I am no longer responsible for people who aren’t responsible to themselves.

I am no longer holding on to what if, maybe, should I have or why didn’t I the mantra “it is what it is” will hold true and steadfast for the rest of my life. I forgive myself for all of the stupid mistakes in my twenties i.e. not reading the Bible, all of the unnecessary school loans, and still lacking a higher education, the emphasis on material wealth, not loving completely and wholly, amongst other stupid things. I FORGIVE, I FORGIVE you JC, I realize the pain you inflicted on me may have changed the person I was supposed to be but it made me into the strong person I am today and by me holding on to the awful nugget of shame it continues to rear its ugly head at me whenever it chooses. I am taking my birthday not as a day to receive gifts or celebrate and bask in my glory but as a day to completely embrace the person I plan to be from this day forward. 

As of this day I will no longer blame myself for anything that I didn’t have a direct part in, I will embrace when someone walks out of my life because that means they’re doing me a favor, I will no longer complain about the lack of social life or anything I will instead enjoy having healthy, smart and darn right gorgeous kids. I will learn to soften my heart and tighten my lips when I’m upset with my husband. In other words love of my life I will listen twice as much as I talk and when I talk it will be from love and understanding (I know I have work to do but I appreciate your patience). I will live for me and not care what anyone thinks or say. I will fully embrace my creativity and paint my walls any color I damn well please (with some compromising with the hubby, lol). I will hold true and firm to my word if I say I am going to be there barring any unfortunate circumstance I’m there, If I say yes I mean yes and I will learn to say no and not feel one ounce of remorse. To my children I will plan more one on one dates with you, life moves fast and I want to make sure I am right there with you, supporting you and catching you when you stumble. 

To myself I understand the pain you’ve been through and the feelings of “being cheated” life hasn’t always been fair to you but somehow you’ve come throw the other side not always smelling so fresh or looking spectacular but you’ve come through and you’ve continued to put one foot in front of the other when it would have made sense to just lay down for awhile. You are more than what some people paint you as and you know it. You will stop being your worst enemy and let others take that title; you will stop talking yourself out of things and just start taking risks. Continue to put one foot in front of the other and while you’re at it smile and wave because there are people watching you and you look good lady! Shenise Wright born on July 19, 2012 at exactly Midnight! 

WELCOME TO THE WORLD AND YOUR ERA TO MAKE ALL KINDS OF NEW/DIFFERENT MISTAKES.

Love,

Your biggest fan!!